My Story

I see nothing
I hear nothing
I smell nothing
I eat nothing
I bite nothing

Guess what?!
I am dead
I am going to die
I am running out of time
I havent start revising and preparing for my papers
I have no motivation
I have no confident
I have no efforts
I have nothing

I am brainless
I am useless
I am stupid

where are all my motivation gone???
please come back by my side
I really need you
I really need this to pick up my books
I really need to score well
I really need to go to school
or else, i will bored to death

I am dead
I know I cant do well in anything
I knew it
and I just knew it

WHY?!

Life isn’t as easy as I’ve thought.
To survive among the best is even harder.

Time flies. Another new year is waiting for my arrival. By that time, I’ll be another year older. Oh my, I feel that I am old. I really can’t accept this. By this age of me, I am such a failure and gain nothing, learn nothing new and achieve nothing. My failure has ruined the plan I’ve made. Nope, my parents made for me.

Since young, my future is already well-planned by parents. From kindi to primary school to secondary school to college and to uni. Well, I’m happy that they’ve transferred me to suria in my secondary years. I really appreciate the time in my secondary years because I have such nice friends like yan, yen, ni, tham, chi, shin, wen, yee, dred, jian, ho, meng…
They are so nice, I’m glad that I have them all around me.

Since young, I was told to take up the course in uni. Yeah. Parents ask me to do so. They are my parents, I have to obey them, do as they told. How much I do not like a certain thing, I still have to make myself to ‘like’ them. At the end, hatred came. Right now, I’m retaking a few papers as I do not meet the minimum requirements into Uni. Having trial now. Just started today. However, I think I am not going for the next few papers. I have tried my very best to pour out what I have prepared days ago. Too bad, I passed up an untouchable set of blank papers again. Just like what I’ve done in June. yeah, i failed that paper. same thing will happen on this paper again.

I am really regretted for signing up to retake these papers. I really hate myself for being that. Regret for something isn’t a good feeling. My regret consists of hatred, anger, sorrow and sadness. There are few things that made me regret and I don’t want to think back about them. I can’t erase them from my mind but they have carved deeply in my heart. Regret for decision I made bring me pain. And now, I’m suffering. Books I hate are sitting still in front of me. Arghhh…

Whenever problems come and need a solution or decision, I’ll think twice, triple…
So that I wouldn’t regret
So that lesser pains in me.

I still don’t know how am I going to face the future. I’m not young and my friends (everyone) have found their uni and some already completed a year or two from their 4 or 5 years degree programme. I’ve lost my track. I don’t know what I can do next. what else can i do??? I only know how to eat and sleep at home. How useless I am!!!

I’m useless
Useless
Useless
Useless