My Story

Life isn’t as easy as I’ve thought.
To survive among the best is even harder.

Time flies. Another new year is waiting for my arrival. By that time, I’ll be another year older. Oh my, I feel that I am old. I really can’t accept this. By this age of me, I am such a failure and gain nothing, learn nothing new and achieve nothing. My failure has ruined the plan I’ve made. Nope, my parents made for me.

Since young, my future is already well-planned by parents. From kindi to primary school to secondary school to college and to uni. Well, I’m happy that they’ve transferred me to suria in my secondary years. I really appreciate the time in my secondary years because I have such nice friends like yan, yen, ni, tham, chi, shin, wen, yee, dred, jian, ho, meng…
They are so nice, I’m glad that I have them all around me.

Since young, I was told to take up the course in uni. Yeah. Parents ask me to do so. They are my parents, I have to obey them, do as they told. How much I do not like a certain thing, I still have to make myself to ‘like’ them. At the end, hatred came. Right now, I’m retaking a few papers as I do not meet the minimum requirements into Uni. Having trial now. Just started today. However, I think I am not going for the next few papers. I have tried my very best to pour out what I have prepared days ago. Too bad, I passed up an untouchable set of blank papers again. Just like what I’ve done in June. yeah, i failed that paper. same thing will happen on this paper again.

I am really regretted for signing up to retake these papers. I really hate myself for being that. Regret for something isn’t a good feeling. My regret consists of hatred, anger, sorrow and sadness. There are few things that made me regret and I don’t want to think back about them. I can’t erase them from my mind but they have carved deeply in my heart. Regret for decision I made bring me pain. And now, I’m suffering. Books I hate are sitting still in front of me. Arghhh…

Whenever problems come and need a solution or decision, I’ll think twice, triple…
So that I wouldn’t regret
So that lesser pains in me.

I still don’t know how am I going to face the future. I’m not young and my friends (everyone) have found their uni and some already completed a year or two from their 4 or 5 years degree programme. I’ve lost my track. I don’t know what I can do next. what else can i do??? I only know how to eat and sleep at home. How useless I am!!!

I’m useless
Useless
Useless
Useless

I’ve quit from my job. My last day was 30th September. Everything was normal on that day. There was nothing much special as I still have to do from copying to photocopying.

I’ve resigned from the job make me even lazier than usual. Since stating of October, I am staying at home. Do the normal 3 things, eat sleep and watching television. Actually I should have start revising and studying as my trial exam is coming soon. 4 months passed. I’ve forgot what I’ve learnt. I’ve forgot what the teachers have thought. How am I going to sit for the exam? Now I’ve just less than a month time. Less than 30 days. I’ve to finish all the 5 books of my biology and chemistry. Do you think I’ve enough time for everything? Besides, I’ve to take practical examination. Worse is that, I’ve forgot the way to do experiments, those chemical reagents and effects and planning. Oh my! I am very sure that I can’t finish. I can’t focus at all. So many books are waiting for me. Genetic stuff in bio is my weakest part. Start studying it really takes my life. I hate it so much! There are so many things I don’t understand. These and those. All I can say is, I hate genetics!!!

listening to ayumi hamasaki’s heaven now. this is a nice song.